He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
