Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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