On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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