i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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