do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
