I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
