What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
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