is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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