Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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