Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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