I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
