Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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