somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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