I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize