It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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