You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
