my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
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Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
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If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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