You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
