Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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