I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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