well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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