Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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