At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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