He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
