Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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