you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
She said her name was "party"
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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