Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
