Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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