i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
