Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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