Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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