don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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