Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
