i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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