I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
