Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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