i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
