there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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