Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You need a sexual gate keeper
I AM VODKA MAN
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
