his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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