Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
