so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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