I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
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