THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
