dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize