anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
