glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
