So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Everything about him screamed your future.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
