when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I hate all girls vehemently.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
