Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
