New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
They are going to name an STD after you.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
