How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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