Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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