why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
operation harelip BJ is a go
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
