I faked an abortion last night.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
