you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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