Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
