i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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