She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
