Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
