Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
