He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
