just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
