Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Randomize
