We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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