we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
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i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
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You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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