vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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