In the future we'll all be gay
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
