I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
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The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
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The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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