Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
