Where is the hickey?
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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