I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
