I seem to have left my pride at pride
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
