I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
