I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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