I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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